Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
