My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
