my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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