Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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