DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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