When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
