im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
handjob tips. give me some.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
