She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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