I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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