why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
