then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
