I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
