No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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