sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
