Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
