White coat. Heels.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
