Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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