well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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