If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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