I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
