but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
