you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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