soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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