Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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