don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
