Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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