So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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