Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He has the fingertips of a God
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
