Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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