Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
