Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm bleeding and have questions
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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