the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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