Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
