I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
