I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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