Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
