Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
