I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
