So drunk its hurt
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
