In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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