I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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