I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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