Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
