I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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