Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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