Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
