Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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