Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
