apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
