There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
