There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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