I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
