Will you blow on my dice?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
