apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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