I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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