Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
