How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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