I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
