mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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