hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
