so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
