apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
