Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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