I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
